The complicated love story between love, tantrums and my husband…

I have always been a very sensitive person. I over think every little thing and care way more than I should, but that’s what makes my love so strong. Tiniest things can either spark love or anger in me. Over time, people have named me an emotional fool while others have seen me as an egoistic brat. I don’t mind either of them!

Now, the point is, I don’t consider myself mean. I am just a human-being who reacts! Be it a situation or a statement. Yes, I do get angry and bitter at times but I would never consider myself a mean species ever! I have this huge tendency of taking out my frustration/ breakdown on people I love or who are close to me the most. And by luck or the wrong stars, my husband tops this chart. I love him the most on this earth and always take his love for granted knowing that he would stand beside me in all the goods and odds. There had been multiple instances when I have taken my office frustrations, emotional breakdown and other stress on him. I would have snapped, criticized, thrown tantrums or nagged on him for the smallest things which he would have no clue could be noticed and been fought about.

Often, back in my head when I know that he could have had a bad day too and doesn’t deserve the burden of my anger at all, I can’t stop myself from doing this actually! I would hesitate, stop, try to control my anger but in vain… I have felt guilty about this most of the times and have cried in the dark hours of the night. I have realized that often when I am shouting at him, I am actually not angry. And even when I would have been angry, it goes off after just the initial 3-4 words. And then I keep on just to complete my sentence! This generally happens about the daily chores or general tasks. I get angry and throw tantrums when he comes back late from office and immediately after dinner starts working back again. I feel lonely, unloved and left out in those wee hours. Anger or frustration which I would have stopped myself from showing to a colleague, considering the “being politically correct and maintaining the professionalism” somehow always lands on the poor husband.

Do I feel ashamed and want to change? Yes, yes and yes. I love him the most and wouldn’t want to lose him for my silliness. The best thing about my husband is, even after all this his love graph for me has never gone down. Instead he has always kissed me and said “I love you” and hugged me every single morning with the rising sun and every night under the shining moonlight. He cooks for me without complaining most of the days and even in the wee hours of the night when I get hunger cramps. He holds my hand, stands beside me at parties and other social gatherings and put his arms around me. He rarely shows irritation, and rarely criticizes me. He is kind, witty, thoughtful, brilliant, loving, creative, funny, intelligent, hardworking, and well informed on a wide range of subjects. He has even fed me numerous times with his own hands while I would be running around like a mad rabbit getting ready to go to office in the mornings. He consider me beautiful even when I look horrible and messed up!

Well, I have tried hard to resist showing my frustration and keep myself calm and composed but it is high time I start trying harder! And start respecting the love and great happiness I have got in having him in my life. Happy marriages are the ones where you have the freedom of speech, expression and love. Dear husband, within you I loose myself and without you I find myself wanting to be lost again. I promise that I will be honest about my frustrations and compress it by taking a second to breathe and make myself be gracious for compliments more. I will try to release expectations and enjoy things for what they are instead of what I think they should be.

The complicated love story

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

P.S.: I Love You. You are my favorite ♥♥

Positiveness is faith, love is my religion and a firefly is what I want to be!

Resembling the subtle blinking luminous lights, peeping in the ravenous darkness of the eerie night, I want to sing silent love songs just like the male fireflies, flash and splash my heart out… embrace everyone who passes my way, sprinkle them with a drop of positiveness and dance away… I want to peak in and show way to those who are lost, who are immersed in the dark lake of sadness. I want to be the spark in the life of those who have lost faith… I want to say “hellooo” to those who are submerged in darkness… the soothing light which fills the soul with inner peace, love and faith… yes, yes, yes… that’s what I want to be… a firefly!

The serendipity of meeting some of the bright happy souls with hearts of gold in the least expected places and in the wee hours of our busy routine, comes as a breath of fresh air which just wipes us away for some moments! The realm of light, little sparks of hope, loud laughter and memories of a lifetime is what follows after that! Of late, I had been traveling and meeting some of these rare species… they emerged as the fresh dew drops falling off the edge of a new leaf in a misty morning… little corners of heaven depicted in their thoughts, the soothing steam rising out of a hot cup of chai comprises of the same effect as meeting these warm souls… I stood there in awe as a silent spectator… thinking how much they resemble the fireflies! Just like the fireflies, they spread their little sparks in my heart and whispered in my ears… All you want is lots of love and a pinch of faith…

Dancing with the fireflies

Time flied talking, understanding and gasping their thoughts… it is spectacular how they change your life in just a few moments or just fills it with the marbles of faith! A sudden rush of positiveness gushes through the veins in their presence… The belief of becoming one of them is what I spectate! We are in charge of how we feel and what we do. And today I am choosing happiness!

Meeting all of you is serendipity… thank you all for coming along.. “Stay bright little fireflies….Make light before my eyes… “

-Amen

 

Happiness is…Biriyani :)

Mutton Biriyani

The best way to enjoy life is to eat loads of delicious home cooked food. And for me, happiness comes with the smell of biriyani cooked in pure desi ghee, leveraged with big chunks of mutton pieces hanging around and loads of love in the form of cashews!! Yummm… can’t ask for any other pleasure in life for the moment 🙂

Well, my stomach is full, extremely satisfied and I am one happy soul today! 🙂 🙂

Birds of Happiness…

Time flies even before you realize it. You are in this moment, you blink and it is already past, you are in present and thinking of future already.It has been three marvelous years of my wedding life. My husband’s earnest efforts to keep the relationship going, his love and tender care, the diligent friend in him and the patient lover has made this fatalism work. I shudder on the thought that would it have been possible without his constant efforts? Might be… but then, I love the way he handles every moment and situation. He loves me for what I am and not what I should be! Isn’t that all I can ask for and love him more for this?

I always wonder that isn’t there a story behind that particular song humming or listening to which your heart suddenly swells up with happiness, when you admire yourself into the mirror gazing at yourself in that particular dress which reminds you of a thousand happy moments, when your feet suddenly starts jiving to an anonymous tune in your head? Isn’t that love? The love which brings lots and lots of happiness with it if you keep it open… I have experienced this and would love to keep it going…The happiness of life depends on the quality of thoughts… promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate…the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross, and which to burn. I have chosen the bridge to eternal love, forgiving, learning and happiness. I am going to embrace all the love and happiness which comes in my way, fight and deal with all the challenges, forgive the worthy and spread the love. Every relationship has its problems, but sometimes what makes it perfect is if you still want to be together, when things go wrong? You need to see who matters in your life. Be happy, take pictures, enjoy every moment and you will see the change it brings in your life. I read somewhere that – “Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” And I promise myself to adhere to this. We will always remain the true birds of happiness 🙂

This June my blog completed it’s two years. We had been working and sharing our thoughts and love together. It’s been a roller-coaster ride and I thank every reader who visited my blog and showed their love in some or other way. Thanks a lot for your support 🙂

Happy Anniversary

“The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.” ~ Rick Warren

Mango Mania…

Where I grew up, there was a massive, enormously fertile mango garden right in front of our house. Every summer the trees would get laden with lots and lots of mangoes and children would start hovering over to steal and fill their stomach with its sour-sweet flavour escaping their lunch. The branches hung low and welcomed everyone gracefully to come and get a taste of what it had to offer… it welcomed everyone in its cool shade and gave them memories to cherish a lifetime! I remember spending the hottest summer afternoon lingering around the garden with my sisters and brother. We wholeheartedly gave them the adoration they deserved.

My mother would collect loads of mangoes in the morning while sending us off during the morning school. It was a routine to get up early (around 4:00 am) and get ready as soon as possible so that we could help mom collect them. We would count it as big achievements holding the morning picks in our small palms. Simple joys of life! I remember, mom sitting in the afternoon, escaping her afternoon nap, cutting mangoes in cubes and then making them into pickles. There were huge glass jars, which she pampered like infants and we were always prohibited from touching them. But, how much ever she tried, we would always open the jar lids and gobble the pickle as soon as it was kept in the sun…

Every afternoon, mango-mint chutney was a must. The sweet mango pickle she used to make was my all time favourite. The aam-panna which was made by cooking raw mango in firewood in the evening, was a drink we always looked forward to in the summers. No guest would be allowed to leave before drinking the refreshing sherbat.

And when the mangoes ripen, there would be someone or else who would come from the village with sacks full of mangoes and those would be stored neatly over newly placed hay on the floor. It was the mango season and all we did was eat, drink, play and cherish THE MANGO! Ahh… good old childhood days!!

Aam ki phirni

Back to the present. I can’t run around in the mango grooves anymore as there are none around my house. That’s why me and my husband are content eating this aam ki phirni for today 🙂 🙂

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer and the rain and not to forget the magnificient AAM. Kyunki aam ka season baar-baar nahi aata 😉 🙂

Savouring Delicacies :)

I called my mom today and it started with the same opening questions. “How are you? What had you been doing? What did you cook today?” Mom’s replies are automatic regarding food. It always starts with – “Nothing much…” even when she would have prepared enough delicacies to be served in a wedding house 🙂 🙂 Not to be surprised, even knowing what is she gonna say I always wait eagerly to listen to what all food has been prepared. As she keeps on saying each item, I go back in the memories when I was there and would relish all these food while mom or grandmom kept on swaying the beautiful hand decorated bamboo fan near us. The comfort of mom’s hand cooked food, the delicacies prepared in the most authentic ways, the masalas grinded in the seal-bata, food served in the heavy brass plates, the smell of the home grown rice, eating sitting on the small chaunkis and the fan swaying always added a charm to it! I miss those days so much. Somehow, I just want to go back in time and enjoy those moments again. But I know, that even if I do that numerous times, it is never gonna be enough!!

Doi Maach :)Photo courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

Back to where I started. So today, mom said that it was pouring over there and dad had brought fish in the morning. She didn’t feel like making too many items today because of the heavy rain and thus settled on some doi maach, fried fish, rice, moong daal and a humble mango-mint chutney 😮 No wonder my mouth started watering. I so wanted to be there and hog every damn thing she had prepared. But…!!

Anyways, another idea striked and I decided to repeat the same menu. After ten minutes of rigourous do’s and don’ts discussion I marched to the kitchen. I couldn’t create the same magic but atleast I am going to eat the same thing what is being eaten in the different part of the country! Somehow, I feel that even when two people are not together or are at a distant place, food can always bring them together. I always feel connected to my mom and my roots when I prepare the same thing (or atleast try to). It makes me feel happy, loved and miss my mom’s hand cooked food a bit less… I love you mom ♥

It has been raining here and I am just enjoying it. I guess, God had plans to create the same scene in two different worlds today so that even when we are away we can still remain connected 🙂 🙂

Spreading Random Happiness

One fine Friday, I was successful in spreading some random happiness. A simple quiz game and happiness as gift. Making people around you happy doesn’t just boost them but if you ever made a person smile when they have least expected it, or had been so sad, you can literally feel your heart become lighter, happier, vibrant and more alive… you get a new meaning to your life..

The most important thing is to enjoy your life and be happy. Give more and expect little. A small acts of kindness can make someone else’s entire day. A kind word, a gentle smile, a ray of hope, a kiss, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, anything… whatever you can share or give. Happinessis is contagious. The more you give the more you receive. In the end all what matters is how much happiness you received and how much more you could return back. There is a lovely saying by Mother Teresa – “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

It’s been a blissful, humble and an inspiring week. Waiting for a new dawn tomorrow which is gonna bring more challenges, ideas, love and random happiness 🙂 🙂

Stay happy and blessed folks!

— Spreading Random Happiness…

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