The gift of each other

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

It was a warm, cosy, golden evening. The thousand golden beams of the sun was making our dusky skin glow in its presence. In that trance, soaking myself in that magical moment, I heard a faint voice of my mom saying – “How nice it is to see your small little kid playing in front of you. Soon they grow up, become independent and then leave. It is very heartbreaking to see them grow and then go. If only I could keep all three of you here. As my tiny kids you all once were. Giggling, dancing, hopping around and needing me all the time. Those were good old days. I miss them.” My heart stopped for a moment, I looked straight in her old wrinkly eyes and knew exactly what she meant. After all, I have become a mother myself now. I hugged my mom and thought, indeed we are a gift to each other. No doubt, the love and bonding between a mother and her kids are so divine yet so serene, so difficult yet so easy, so complex yet so simple, so giving yet so receiving.

A good old twenty-four months back, I didn’t imagine writing this post. All I wanted, imagined, hoped and prayed in that insanity was that the day comes as fast as possible where my little one gets more independent and I get some time of my own. I thought then, my life would be easier and I would be hopping around in joy.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

Gosh, I was wrong! I was so wrong! As the days have passed since my little bundle of joy took birth, I have realized that how much I have gotten attached to her and her presence around me 24/7. Her nonstop needs has kept me on my toes most of the days. I cannot fathom when the insanity, the tiredness and the continuous need of someone, became my life, my identity. My heart breaks into a million pieces in all those tiny moments, in which my tiny girl becomes a bit more independent and in the process doesn’t need me anymore. I have felt a lump in my throat, a sudden heaviness in my heart and I tremble thinking that – “Is this it? When did my girl become so big? When did my tiny tot become a big self efficient girl? Was it suppose to end so soon? I mean, yes I wanted it, but wait, is it already time? It cannot be. Please!”

As much as I have felt happier with her every step of independence, somewhere my heart knows that soon she would become fully independent and I might not be needed any more. Might be yes, at times, in certain situations/ circumstances, but not as it is right now! I cannot understand the sadness behind my this feeling. Why did my heart swell up seeing my daughter’s first steps, picking her own spoon, walking and running on her own, climbing and jumping without assistance and going to her school without the usual crying? Every time my heart has twitched a bit more. I remember crying for hours thinking of her “big achievements”.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

God! How I sobbed like a petty girl, on the first day of her school not having her around hopping and messing around with our plates, spoon and cups when me and my husband sat for our breakfast. I couldn’t eat anything and all I could think of was her. I swear, I had hated all those days when she would spill the tea, or drop the food fumbling while trying to lift it with the spoon. How I wanted to eat peacefully once in my life. But no, there I sat on my chair on that day, and all I thought and wished was her presence. How I wished to see the spilled tea and the dirty floor and that innocent smirky laugh!

Isn’t it how it is suppose to be? My little girl is growing and is happy. Wasn’t this what I prayed for once? Then why does it hurt so much? The first time she refused to hold my fingers while taking her big steps on her own, refusing my help with a big smile on her face climbing on the bed, holding the spoon firmly between her fingers while trying to eat herself, opening the water bottle and drinking water on her own, getting ready for school without any reluctance, trying to hold her school bag on her own shoulders and then putting the blanket on mamma and herself while they both cosy up together! How fast the days went by. Sigh! Is this what it means when people say – “Enjoy it while it lasts?” Is this what motherhood really is? Trying to hold the moment in your fist as long as possible even while you want it to go? Just try to hold on to that moment, that small happiness, that tiny need, that feeling a bit more longer. And in those moments know that you wouldn’t be needed any more. The constant war between your heart and your brain of holding on and not letting go? Isn’t that heart wrenching? It certainly is!

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

I have no idea how our moms have let us, their tiny babies, the apple of their eyes let them go away far from them. I am sure their hearts would have ached each time they would have seen us being independent or getting a bit more away from them. Or might be loneliness has taken a toll on us? Maybe we women overthink. And as a consequence, we die a thousand deaths every minute in different ways. Our hearts flutter even with the slightest wind of anxiety. We cry, wipe our tears, swallow our pride, our ego and think – “I will sail through this too. The ones we love the most should be set free. They would either find happiness on their own or return back to us.”

One thing is for sure. Motherhood has taught me that we woman bear a lot. What might seem stupid to a normal man could be a storm inside us. We enjoy and soak ourselves in each and every emotion. We let ourselves go. Get immersed in the sea of the insanity called motherhood and stay in that without breathing. And as soon as we start getting comfortable and start liking that feeling of being in that state, we need to come out of it bit by bit. We don’t know how to feel, good or bad? That’s what motherhood does to you.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

I have celebrated my daughter’s every tiny achievement. My eyes have beamed with happiness, pride and sadness at the same time. I am a bit more liberated now. I am becoming independent in the process of making my child independent. But, do I really want this phase to end? Since when the thought of life getting a bit more easier has gotten my heart break a bit more? I guess that’s what motherhood brings and teaches you ๐Ÿ™ โค๏ธ

A big shout-out to all the moms out there. Love and hugs. Remember, you are not alone.

Spreading Random Happiness

One fine Friday, I was successful in spreading some random happiness. A simple quiz game and happiness as gift. Making people around you happy doesn’t just boost them but if you ever made a person smile when they have least expected it, or had been so sad, you can literally feel your heart become lighter, happier, vibrant and more alive… you get a new meaning to your life..

The most important thing is to enjoy your life and be happy. Give more and expect little. A small acts of kindness can make someone elseโ€™s entire day. A kind word, a gentle smile, a ray of hope, a kiss, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, anything… whatever you can share or give. Happinessis is contagious. The more you give the more you receive. In the end all what matters is how much happiness you received and how much more you could return back. There is a lovely saying by Mother Teresa – “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

It’s been a blissful, humble and an inspiring week. Waiting for a new dawn tomorrow which is gonna bring more challenges, ideas, love and random happiness ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay happy and blessed folks!

— Spreading Random Happiness…

Memories, Gifts and a New Path to Explore…

Yeah… yeah… I know I had been writing all senti posts recently. But then thats what I have been going through this whole month. You know that things happen when you least expect it to happen and then most of the times it happens for a good reason. Atleast with me… So, what happened to me now??? Well, I left my job after serving in the same company for almost four years. It was obviously not an impromptu decision. It took lots of thinking, belief, support and brain ๐Ÿ™‚

So, now some of my intelligent friends will ask that what is the big deal about leaving a comapny? Everyone does sooner or later. Isn’t it? Yes, I know that leaving a company is not a big deal for lots of people but what about the emotions attached with the same?? Staying in a company for a longer duration does give you lots of opportunities to make new friends and memories. Sometimes these friends and memories are good and sometime not. Depends on lots of factors. Well, I am not gonna speak about those factors here in this post today. Back to my story, when I revealed the big secret to my colleagues that I am leaving, there were mixed expressions and emotions from people. The cacophony lead me to think that how come suddenly everyone started loving me so much? Some of them went two steps ahead and shed a tear or two. Some just acted stunned even when they couldn’t hide the happiness volcano erupting inside their stomach! No wonder they had been waiting for this day since months or years together. I was also overwhelmed with some of my colleagues who genuinely felt bad for me leaving. And hey, I am not heartless, I felt bad too leaving the genuine friends of mine :'( That’s the sad part of my story. Now comes the fun part.

Here, I must say that my husband is one creative guy. He has this special talent of making people happy with his small acts of kindness or creativity. And he does it with so much ease. Sometimes, I wonder how does he think and behave smart all the time…!! Tough competition here I say ๐Ÿ™‚ So, when we decided that I am gonna put down my papers and the dates were finalized, I started (as usual) bugging him about giving me some ideas how to make my last day in the company memorable. And we came up with the idea of gifting some of the chosen ones with some handmade gifts. I am a bit nitpicky about such things. No wonder I showered him with questions like why should I be giving out gifts on “my last day” in the company??? It should be vice versa… isn’t it?? However, with lots of attempts and failed ideas we froze on this:

Thank You Everyone

I made twelve personalized thank you cards and small cute triangular boxes for the twelve deserving people. It compromised of those who helped me and supported me always and also those who always bitched or backstabbed me. The look on their faces were worth seeing when I handed them their gifts. It was such a moment ๐Ÿ™‚ Some were flattered and some were bemused! Totally!! But, the main thing which I wanted was they knew in their heart what they did and how much they deserved getting those gifts.

Last but not the least, I did spread some happiness in others lives and I know that they will remember this small act of thanking if not forever atleast for some time. And that made my day. Isn’t that really blissfull?? Huh… joys and more joys of life ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay happy and go do some act of kindness today folks ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

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