Happiness

The gift of each other

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

It was a warm, cosy, golden evening. The thousand golden beams of the sun was making our dusky skin glow in its presence. In that trance, soaking myself in that magical moment, I heard a faint voice of my mom saying – “How nice it is to see your small little kid playing in front of you. Soon they grow up, become independent and then leave. It is very heartbreaking to see them grow and then go. If only I could keep all three of you here. As my tiny kids you all once were. Giggling, dancing, hopping around and needing me all the time. Those were good old days. I miss them.” My heart stopped for a moment, I looked straight in her old wrinkly eyes and knew exactly what she meant. After all, I have become a mother myself now. I hugged my mom and thought, indeed we are a gift to each other. No doubt, the love and bonding between a mother and her kids are so divine yet so serene, so difficult yet so easy, so complex yet so simple, so giving yet so receiving.

A good old twenty-four months back, I didn’t imagine writing this post. All I wanted, imagined, hoped and prayed in that insanity was that the day comes as fast as possible where my little one gets more independent and I get some time of my own. I thought then, my life would be easier and I would be hopping around in joy.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

Gosh, I was wrong! I was so wrong! As the days have passed since my little bundle of joy took birth, I have realized that how much I have gotten attached to her and her presence around me 24/7. Her nonstop needs has kept me on my toes most of the days. I cannot fathom when the insanity, the tiredness and the continuous need of someone, became my life, my identity. My heart breaks into a million pieces in all those tiny moments, in which my tiny girl becomes a bit more independent and in the process doesn’t need me anymore. I have felt a lump in my throat, a sudden heaviness in my heart and I tremble thinking that – “Is this it? When did my girl become so big? When did my tiny tot become a big self efficient girl? Was it suppose to end so soon? I mean, yes I wanted it, but wait, is it already time? It cannot be. Please!”

As much as I have felt happier with her every step of independence, somewhere my heart knows that soon she would become fully independent and I might not be needed any more. Might be yes, at times, in certain situations/ circumstances, but not as it is right now! I cannot understand the sadness behind my this feeling. Why did my heart swell up seeing my daughter’s first steps, picking her own spoon, walking and running on her own, climbing and jumping without assistance and going to her school without the usual crying? Every time my heart has twitched a bit more. I remember crying for hours thinking of her “big achievements”.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

God! How I sobbed like a petty girl, on the first day of her school not having her around hopping and messing around with our plates, spoon and cups when me and my husband sat for our breakfast. I couldn’t eat anything and all I could think of was her. I swear, I had hated all those days when she would spill the tea, or drop the food fumbling while trying to lift it with the spoon. How I wanted to eat peacefully once in my life. But no, there I sat on my chair on that day, and all I thought and wished was her presence. How I wished to see the spilled tea and the dirty floor and that innocent smirky laugh!

Isn’t it how it is suppose to be? My little girl is growing and is happy. Wasn’t this what I prayed for once? Then why does it hurt so much? The first time she refused to hold my fingers while taking her big steps on her own, refusing my help with a big smile on her face climbing on the bed, holding the spoon firmly between her fingers while trying to eat herself, opening the water bottle and drinking water on her own, getting ready for school without any reluctance, trying to hold her school bag on her own shoulders and then putting the blanket on mamma and herself while they both cosy up together! How fast the days went by. Sigh! Is this what it means when people say – “Enjoy it while it lasts?” Is this what motherhood really is? Trying to hold the moment in your fist as long as possible even while you want it to go? Just try to hold on to that moment, that small happiness, that tiny need, that feeling a bit more longer. And in those moments know that you wouldn’t be needed any more. The constant war between your heart and your brain of holding on and not letting go? Isn’t that heart wrenching? It certainly is!

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

I have no idea how our moms have let us, their tiny babies, the apple of their eyes let them go away far from them. I am sure their hearts would have ached each time they would have seen us being independent or getting a bit more away from them. Or might be loneliness has taken a toll on us? Maybe we women overthink. And as a consequence, we die a thousand deaths every minute in different ways. Our hearts flutter even with the slightest wind of anxiety. We cry, wipe our tears, swallow our pride, our ego and think – “I will sail through this too. The ones we love the most should be set free. They would either find happiness on their own or return back to us.”

One thing is for sure. Motherhood has taught me that we woman bear a lot. What might seem stupid to a normal man could be a storm inside us. We enjoy and soak ourselves in each and every emotion. We let ourselves go. Get immersed in the sea of the insanity called motherhood and stay in that without breathing. And as soon as we start getting comfortable and start liking that feeling of being in that state, we need to come out of it bit by bit. We don’t know how to feel, good or bad? That’s what motherhood does to you.

Motherhood Challenges, gift for each other, gift, motherhood, love, challenges, life, joy, happiness, heart, heartbreaking, sadness, teachings, love, Gulmohar Doodles, Puneeta Prakash blogBalakrishnan K

I have celebrated my daughter’s every tiny achievement. My eyes have beamed with happiness, pride and sadness at the same time. I am a bit more liberated now. I am becoming independent in the process of making my child independent. But, do I really want this phase to end? Since when the thought of life getting a bit more easier has gotten my heart break a bit more? I guess that’s what motherhood brings and teaches you ๐Ÿ™ โค๏ธ

A big shout-out to all the moms out there. Love and hugs. Remember, you are not alone.

Gathering the moments and making memories

We are back from our family vacation. The wedding, laughter, blessings, gatherings, food, love, gifts, laughter are all shared and imprinted in our hearts and memories now. The calmness, soothing and peaceful, lush green sceneries took out the tiredness and longing from our body and mind. We came alive again. We breathed and we lived after a very long time. I wonder how the good times always pass so quickly? Even before we realize that it’s over now we heed to our robotic lives again. I wish, we could stay happy, peaceful and content like this forever.

Peace, Memories, Love, Pondicherry, MomentsBalakrishnan K

Greenery, Fields, Paddy, Coconut plantation, Pondicherry, Love, Memories, MomentsBalakrishnan K

June as usual brings lots of happiness in my family’s life. Be it the long summer holidays back during childhood, meeting all the relatives, cooking, dancing, playing or now, celebrating our wedding anniversary and the birth of Gulmohardoodles. Five marvelous, happy and joyful years passed by getting married to the best husband I could have ever fathomed of. All these years went as if in a jiffy. We struggled, we fell, we cried, gathered ourselves and stood up again. The love primrose reached its heights and our bond got stronger and stronger. Holding hands, standing for each other, believing in our love and the uncontrollable urge to be in each others arms held us for these mighty five years. I pray to the almighty that with every passing year our love and respect for each other gets stronger and the bond unbreakable.

Bless.

Bless, blessings, Indian Gods, Hindu mythology, Vishnu, Laxmi, Lakshmi, Pondicherry, WeddingBalakrishnan K

Aren’t family gatherings great? All those moments, the times when we sit and “just be” with someone else talking, listening, sharing, laughing, crying, sitting quietly make the best memories. All of those moments are stored up as a potion against all the hard, dark and broken times in our lives. The silly talks with the toddlers and the kids. Making faces, playing games, running around, pleasing them doing silly things are all missed. The chit-chats with those who come back after long time from a different land, reviving the old memories, munching on the traditional snacks, hot-steaming cups of tea making rounds are the times to die for. We should never doubt the good we do when we listen to the story of a child or sing along an old song with our friend. Sitting with an old friend, each of us doing our own thing and still making memories…Such pleasures of life…

Sharing happiness, gathering memories, moments, love, happiness, bBalakrishnan K

With time and age, I have realized that one should never underestimate “the power of a moment”. That one moment can store a lot of happiness, strength, joy and love which could be used in the difficult times. These moments are the seeds of happiness. Which once planted again can bring back all the good times and memories again. Store them well. Make all the good memories when you can.

Give and you shall receive, Give, Love, BlessingsGulmohar Doodles

Few days back, on the way to the beach we met two kind souls. A old man and an old woman. Both were spreading random happiness calling people/ kids and giving them small little things. I found them very rich. Rich in their hearts. Rich in their soul and rich in their way of loving. I have understood that I should never question the worth of a kind word or a smile to a stranger. Never hesitate to share a laugh or encouragement or affection. They didn’t expect anything from others whilst they continued their act of kindness. They ensured that they have something or else to give even when they themselves had so less (probably). They blessed us and our daughter and I wondered if I could ever be like them? How I wish!

Solace In Nature, nature, love, memories, happiness, Pondicherry, greenery, sharingBalakrishnan K

I want to say a big thank you to all my well wishers, blog readers, friends and family to give me so many joyful memories which I have been tucking away and will pull back out when the storms approach. My blog completes its 4th year this month. I am grateful to all those who made it happen. Remember, YOU MATTER. Your words, thoughts, laughter everything matters. More than you can ever know or think of.

Love to all. Stay blessed.

Weaving Memories

Recently, I have been thinking and thinking a lot about the memories I have been gathering for a while now. The days are malleable and memories are bound to be created everyday. The irony is that some stay with us forever and the others get erased with the sand of time. I believe that we women are the guardians of memories. We preserve them like no one else does and then pass it on to generations. Don’t we stock all the memories which contains the fragments of love, food, stories, beliefs, joy, sadness, laughter and much more? Well, I do ๐Ÿ™‚

Weaving Memories, OM, om, aum, the beggining, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

As a kid, I loved to hear stories. I was bemused by the beliefs, bravery, love and the beauty of things said by old souls. I listened to them keenly and created a world of my own among them. It is fascinating how the memories, the stories, the talks cling to us and visit us often.

Weaving Memories, Ardhnaarishwar, Shiva, Parvati, Shiv-parvati, Dance, me without you is incomplete, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

Some out of boredom, the others out of sheer interest, I drew these. The happiness, the solace and the sense of doing something from the heart has lifted my spirit multiple times. There are days when things are hard and doing something like this lighten my mind and sets me free and I weave more memories. the memories which I know will remain engraved in my heart for a long time. The happiness collected and passed on, the encouragement given and inspirations taken, the beads of stories woven and gathered makes me believe that life can be full of happiness and contentment.

Weaving Memories, Maa Durga, Fight, Good over evil, Durga, Fearless, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

I want to gather all the happiness and store it in my heart tight. I want to make good memories and use them as the light when the times of darkness approaches. I want to be the firefly who brings hope with its tiny light in the ravenous darkness. Like the wings of a butterfly, I want to bring out these joyful memories and spread happiness which are safely tucked away in the heart.

This world is a beautiful place and so is you. Please do spread random happiness till we meet again.

To Time, Togetherness and Beyond

It is a warm, cosy, bright, sunny afternoon today. Here I am, sitting with my legs crossed on myย bed and wondering about the time spent with my family a few weeks back. Time flies… Yes! it does. And it does really fast. The jokes, laughter, gossips, food once shared or just being together, together in that very moment… leaves back tonne of memories, love, happiness, solace and peace in the tiny treasures held tightly in our hearts. When these moments get over… we realize how much we miss them and all of a sudden our hearts fill with anger, frustration and bewilderment. And when these feelings too fade away, all what is left is Loneliness.

Loneliness, family, loved ones, happiness, joy, time, memoriesPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

How you feel in any one moment is more important than anything else, because how you feel right now is creating your life. ~ Rhonda Byrne

Together Forever, family, love, life, time, moments, precious, lifePhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Whenever someone leave, they leave behind a big void in our heart… even if it is just for some time. We cherish, remember, cry, crib for those moments. Over time, I have realized how much change time can bring in a person. I wonder, is it the same person whom I have known or thought to be all my life? Change is persistent. I know. But don’t we, at times, want things to be the same all through our life? The same how we remember it to be, have believed to be, have cherished to be and have loved to be!

Vegetable Chop, street food, Jharkhand, Love for food, Love, Moms foodPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Life isn’t always what we expect it to be. Being around with our loved ones weaving memories together is always a thing to cherish and behold. These classic moments if celebrated with food enhances the essence of these times. A month back, when my mom was here, we celebrated Durga Puja with some crispy, hot, yummy vegetable chops. It did help in removing some of the longings of being at my home town during this much awaited festival. Don’t we, in such times, need something to soothe our souls, something very calming, something very refreshing, something which connects us to our roots? Atleast, it was a happy ending ๐Ÿ™‚

Continue making memories folks. Adieu, until we meet again…

Subh Deepavali, Diwali, Diwali 2015, Happiness, Festival, Light, Shine, Lights, EnjoyBalakrishnan K

“The sun does not shine there, nor do the moon and the stars, nor do lightning shine. All the lights of the world cannot be compared even to a ray of the inner light of the Self. Merge yourself in this light of lights and enjoy the supreme Deepavali.”

Subh Deepavali, Diwali, Diwali 2015, Happiness, Festival, Light, Shine, Lights, EnjoyGulmohar Doodles

Subh Deepavali, Diwali, Diwali 2015, Happiness, Festival, Light, Shine, Lights, EnjoyGulmohar Doodles

Subh Deepavali, Diwali, Diwali 2015, Happiness, Festival, Light, Shine, Lights, EnjoyGulmohar Doodles

Food, Love, Rain and Happiness…

“Beta kya khaogi? Kya bana dein? Jo v khane ka man hai bata do, sab ban jaayega…” These are the usual dialogues of my maa on my visit to my hometown. Her constant requests of letting her know about all those eatables/ delicacies which according to her I would be craving for months/ years leaving me feeling like a queen. I always stammer in those weak moments and all I can say is “khichdi”, “baingan bhaja” or a humble “aalu bhujia”. Of course it doesn’t stop there after a day or two and things keep on getting added in the “Foods to be eaten” list. As soon as the food words drop out of my mouth, maa would give instructions and my papa would get ready happily with the “plastic jhola” and head towards the market straight where he could buy the fresh supply of vegetables and meat or fish!

I always wonder from where maa gets all the strengths and the stamina to work hours in the kitchen, grinding, pounding, cutting, stirring and preparing all those mouth-watering food alone. And she can do this in a jiffy without any tension lingering over her head or batting an eyelid! I don’t think I can feel the same ever. Even when some guests are coming over or we have some festival at home and by any chance I ask my husband or friends what they would like to eat, I stand in constant fear that they shouldn’t ask for anything which would either require lots of time or work! I even get nightmares before the scheduled day! I get jittery with all those requests and wonder will ever ask the same questions to my kids!

Maa loves cooking like all the Indian mothers. She says that she finds solace, happiness and great pleasure in cooking for her near and dear ones. And what else is there to do at home? She might get bored sitting idle. Huh!! She has got loads of patience too and her own vegetables and flower garden where she tries to grow different varieties and love them as her own kids! My dad’s philosophy is that small town people are laid back. They don’t run behind monetary things and value their kids and family above everything. Spending time with them, looking for their likes and dislikes and being content with whatever they have is what their life is all about. In this so much laid back and peaceful life, they have plenty of time. And the best way to pass it is by cooking, eating and celebrating it with food, fresh home cooked food made with tons of love and care!

A buggy meetupPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

It is the monsoon (Saavan) season now. As a kid, I remember it raining all the time there and our constant efforts to dry our clothes, specially school uniforms from one place to another. Making paper boats, listening to the frogs croaking and calling their lovers, tiny snails crawling in all the places leaving their slimy trail behind and once in a while a green viper crossing our way left our tiny souls thrilled and imbibe with happiness. The lust greenery everywhere, the washed and cleaned leaves, puddles, mud, fallen trees as our playground and a huge supply of guavas from our garden.

Chawal ka cheela, home made butterPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

Amongst the rain, chaos and fun, we were supplied with lots of delicacies. Even now, whenever I go home, maa doesn’t fail me with her amazing sense of remembrance. She always comes up with those foods which were once my favorite and would always make a bad face sharing it with anyone. She would also make those delicacies which I would have forgotten or wouldn’t have asked her thinking that it would require numerous amount of work. Somehow she just gets to know I guess. At times I wonder that will I have the same sense of remembrance for my kids and will do the same amount of work for them… I doubt!

Fresh bread with malai and sugarPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

Kheerkadam mithai and besan ke gatte ki sabjiPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

For now, I am just enjoying the pictures of those mouthwatering food and living in the past. I hope everyone is enjoying the rainy season with their loved ones croaking together in joy ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay healthy and happy folks. See you all soon.

Birds of Happiness…

Time flies even before you realize it. You are in this moment, you blink and it is already past, you are in present and thinking of future already.It has been three marvelous years of my wedding life. My husband’s earnest efforts to keep the relationship going, his love and tender care, the diligent friend in him and the patient lover has made this fatalism work. I shudder on the thought that would it have been possible without his constant efforts? Might be… but then, I love the way he handles every moment and situation. He loves me for what I am and not what I should be! Isn’t that all I can ask for and love him more for this?

I always wonder that isn’t there a story behind that particular song humming or listening to which your heart suddenly swells up with happiness, when you admire yourself into the mirror gazing at yourself in that particular dress which reminds you of a thousand happy moments, when your feet suddenly starts jiving to an anonymous tune in your head? Isn’t that love? The love which brings lots and lots of happiness with it if you keep it open… I have experienced this and would love to keep it going…The happiness of life depends on the quality of thoughts… promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate…the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross, and which to burn. I have chosen the bridge to eternal love, forgiving, learning and happiness. I am going to embrace all the love and happiness which comes in my way, fight and deal with all the challenges, forgive the worthy and spread the love. Every relationship has its problems, but sometimes what makes it perfect is if you still want to be together, when things go wrong? You need to see who matters in your life. Be happy, take pictures, enjoy every moment and you will see the change it brings in your life. I read somewhere that – โ€œHappy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.โ€ And I promise myself to adhere to this. We will always remain the true birds of happiness ๐Ÿ™‚

This June my blog completed it’s two years. We had been working and sharing our thoughts and love together. It’s been a roller-coaster ride and I thank every reader who visited my blog and showed their love in some or other way. Thanks a lot for your support ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy Anniversary

โ€œThe best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.โ€ ~ Rick Warren

Spreading Random Happiness

One fine Friday, I was successful in spreading some random happiness. A simple quiz game and happiness as gift. Making people around you happy doesn’t just boost them but if you ever made a person smile when they have least expected it, or had been so sad, you can literally feel your heart become lighter, happier, vibrant and more alive… you get a new meaning to your life..

The most important thing is to enjoy your life and be happy. Give more and expect little. A small acts of kindness can make someone elseโ€™s entire day. A kind word, a gentle smile, a ray of hope, a kiss, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, anything… whatever you can share or give. Happinessis is contagious. The more you give the more you receive. In the end all what matters is how much happiness you received and how much more you could return back. There is a lovely saying by Mother Teresa – “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

It’s been a blissful, humble and an inspiring week. Waiting for a new dawn tomorrow which is gonna bring more challenges, ideas, love and random happiness ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay happy and blessed folks!

— Spreading Random Happiness…

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