Love

My little sunshine, love, life, happiness, moments, daughter, joy, firefly, butterfly, Puneeta Prakash, Gulmohar Doodles,Gulmohar Doodles

My little sunflower has started to bloom and I fear my greatest fear has loomed
Those tiny fingers which held me tightly most of the time, has left and started to tinkle like a chime
I wonder and can not fathom still, when did you become so big?
Did the time really fly or it passed across me in just a flick?

O my dear little baby, I still remember the day I held you up in my arms for the very first time,
I promised myself to be with you always, singing, dancing, eating, playing or just mime
But everyday is a question, something to worry about, I feel lost, doubt myself and get frustrated,
then I see you looking at me giving that angelic smile, and your those tiny fluffy palms gently caressing me my love, makes me feel appreciated.

Each day in every moment, I have felt alive, moments which I have cherished knowing you are mine,
You are the burning lamp of my life, a soothing flame who keeps me high
My heart tries to hold all the love and aches from those feelings which I can no more hide in my chest,
I flutter with the thought of you my heart, growing so fast and soon leaving me wondering about the times gone by

Everyday I struggle to give you the best, to make you feel loved, cared and to be blessed,
And when the day comes to an end, the day I know which I will never have with you back again,
I take you once more in my arms, hug you tight, blow a kiss on your pretty cheek and wonder
If at all I was able to love you enough today or failed at it doing meagre complain?

My little sunshine, love, life, happiness, moments, daughter, joy, firefly, butterfly, Puneeta Prakash, Gulmohar Doodles,Gulmohar Doodles

You my tiny firefly, you are turning now into a beautiful butterfly,
And I can’t stop thinking and want the time to just stand by
Could you please pass a bit slow and let me see my princess for a few seconds more?
That angelic face, that mischievous smile, those curly hair, the tiny fingers which I love to adore?

Oh my love, the lamp of my life, thank you for choosing me above any other,
You have made me complete and I can not ask for anything more than being your mother
As long as you are there on my side my baby, I promise you, I will try to give you my best,
Here you are my darling, clinging to me, sleeping soundly trying to hold your tiny nest,
the chaos in this very moment is so real, I wonder how did the day get over or it just passed in a haste?

It had been exhausting, but I know in the end, “How”, “Why”, “When”, these questions won’t matter,
All we will have is laughter, peace, solace, and the aroma of the first rains which will splatter.
In those happy moments, I will once again embrace you in my arms tighter, hold my breath and say,
I love you my butterfly. You did great today!

-Gulomhar Doodles

— My Little Sunflower

Oh Sunshine!

Sunshine, soothing, generous, golden beams of the sunlight, Hope, Moments, Love, Daughter, Feelings, Life, Puneeta Prakash, Gulmohar Doodles,Balakrishnan K


I stood in my balcony soaking the soothing, generous, golden beams of the sunlight,
Trying to rejoice a moment which has come back to me after many sleepless nights
A moment which I can call aloud as my own, a moment where I could be known.

The golden rays falling on my dusky skin, seems to create a whimsical effect,
I wonder how long will it last till the haunting will come back and not affect?
It is quarter past three and I take a sip of my butter tea,
I fathom of my long gone free spirit and what I didn’t want to be.

The thinking never stops and neither do the numerous worries roaring in my tiny heart like the angry tide,
The hurling of feelings which I can not hide and then the tons of emotions taking me on a ride

I try to dust off my soul, breathe, let go and think of starting anew again; The glimpse of hope lying somewhere there in my heart sparks, asking me to not let the well of hope dry and wait for the rain

Amidst all my thoughts, I hear a meek sound; “Mamaa”, with a smile and a dimple so profound
Those soft, silky, tiny curls swirling on the angelic face, attracts my attention unknowingly trying to be happy in this phase

Sunshine, soothing, generous, golden beams of the sunlight, Hope, Moments, Love, Daughter, Feelings, Life, Puneeta Prakash, Gulmohar Doodles,Balakrishnan K

I see my reflection in you, the tiny sparkling stars in your eyes reminds me of my past
I love you so much I’ll never be able to tell you; Probably I’m too frightened to tell you thinking it might not last.
Tell me just tell me that you will love me the same for I know that starting is easy and continuing is hard; I can always feel your heart and your every smile gives me a reasons not to depart

I hardly know myself, who am I? Am I a soul so tired, withered, falling hopeless, crumbling to pieces, drifting away far little by little, numb and dry?
Tell me, tell me my love, your tiny fingers will hold me and hold me tight, you will make me blossom again by forbidding me not to cry

Oh my little firefly, could you please promise me that those sparks in your eyes will keep my lamp lighting,
You will be there as my mighty armour, standing tall, rigid, unmoved, in-front of my inner demons, fighting.
I want a promise which will not break, a promise with no more heartaches…

– Gulmohar Doodles

Durga Puja Tales

Like every year, Maa Durga arrived on her special ride, stayed with us for those auspicious ten days and then departed, leaving us craving for yet another year of her homecoming again. Before leaving, she blessed us with health, happiness, food and loads of memories. For me, Durga Puja has always been a reminder that happiness find its way home. The rejuvenating and scintillating feeling of loved ones reuniting and celebrating the festival together has a charm of its’ own. Durga Puja means we are still alive, still together and still bonded.

The blazing LED lights, thousands of people dressed so elegantly in new stiff clothes hovering over the pandals and the different food vendors outside, chit-chatting excitedly and happily like the sparrows; makes me believe that if happiness is somewhere, it is right here, right here in this moment, the moment I am living right now!

Durga Puja is nostalgic. The essence of the festival, the holy atmosphere and all around happy faces brings solace, peace and the calmness to the tired souls. The feeling of being alive and not just breathing is divine. Every happy soul looks beautiful. It makes me believe that beauty still exists in people’s smile, a hearty laughter and in the glistening of tired eyes.

Being raised in a joint family, the arrival of Durga Puja meant new clothes, loads and loads of delicious festive foods, guests swarming over, hot discussions on which block’s (colony’s) pandal is the best, places (vendors) who are serving the best puchkas, chowmins, ghugni-chaats and other street delicacies. Loads of different shape and size balloons made a way in our home. The sheer excitement of holidays, friends, food, pandal visits and Maa Durga! Touching the feet of elders and getting a ten rupees new note along with their blessings. We often wondered seeing that note what all can be bought with that. Might be a whole dreamy world?

One of the other things which I remember and use to get really pepped up seeing was married woman wearing loads of bright red color sindoor on their neatly parted just washed hair, the sankha-pola and dozens of matching glass bangles, the bright colored neatly plated sarees and the alta painted feet. There is something really special about seeing ladies all dressed up like this. This is the only form I can fathom of my Maa whenever I think of her. The serenity, the poise, the calmness and the charming characters which she possesses, I wonder if I can ever be like her?

Every day of the puja is marked with a special food. Like Saptami having ghugni-chaat with lots of aalu chop and beguni. Astmi has to have poori, aalu dum, kheer, tomato-imli chutney, matar pulao and papad. Navmi can’t be complete without plain rice or tehri, mutton curry, thick homemade curd, salads and loads of mithai. Oh! The heavenly food!

Durga Puja, ghughni chaat, aalu chop, hindu festival, Maa Durga, besan k laddoo, nostalgia, memories, love, foodBalakrishnan K

This year, while talking to Maa over phone, she did mention making these at home. She even subtly told me that she can not feel the same old charm, the excitement and the happiness of Puja anymore. I know the rapid downfall of joint families and kids migrating to different cities for different reasons leaving back their old aging parents, play a major role in them feeling lonely. I know that the four old eyes wanted me to be there, badly. I just hope that I will be able to fulfill their wish next year and make their souls blossom like old times again 🙂

Durga Puja, ghughni chaat, aalu chop, hindu festival, Maa Durga, besan k laddoo, nostalgia, memories, love, foodBalakrishnan K

Over the years, things have changed drastically. But I guess, the bottom line is the same. Be happy, celebrate happiness, eat, pray and love. Waiting for the next Durga Puja already. I hope everyone feels as blessed and happy or more as I feel today.


HAPPY DUSSHERA READERS!

Simply JharkhanDish ♥

I grew up in a typical Jharkhand household, eating the rustic homecooked authentic dishes. Cooking was solely constrained to Maa, grandma and aunts. I remember the kitchen hustling and bustling from dawn till late night. We had a typical mud stove (of course apart from the kerosene stove and the gas stove) and all the major food was cooked in that. The kitchen was always filled with the aroma of different mouthwatering food. The steam arising from the different dishes, the tempering of different spices, the colorful freshly plucked veggies right from the home garden, the wooden fire and ladles dancing high and low to the tunes of the skilled hands are some of the memories which still lingers in my mind when I think of Jharkhand food.

Jharkhand Thaali Menu, Jharkhand Thaali, Thaali, Jharkhandi thaali, vegeterian thaali, colorful, full meal thaali, rustic food, rustic Jharkhand food, homecooked, homemadeBalakrishnan K

Back then, everyday food was mostly vegetarian. Meat, fish and eggs were either reserved for the Sunday afternoon or on the arrival of special guests. Everyday food was rustic yet delicious and fulfilled the heart, mind and soul. I barely remember ever going out and eating meals in a restaurant there. As any kid of that era would say, I loved only my Maa’s hand cooked food… and no, no one could make me think otherwise.

Jharkhand Thaali Menu, Jharkhand Thaali, Thaali, Jharkhandi thaali, vegeterian thaali, colorful, full meal thaali, rustic food, rustic Jharkhand food, homecooked, homemade, Non-vegeterianBalakrishnan K

Of late, while having a conversation with friends about all the different things including food, this question popped up. “What do you mean when you say a Jharkhandi thaali? I have never heard or had one ever. Do you know any place where I can go and try it?” I had no clue where they can go and try a platter of authentic Jharkhand dishes. Forget about having it in a different state, I doubt if any restaurant or Dhaba in Jharkhand itself offers anything of this kind! Well, as far as I know. This left me with only one option, to cook some of the authentic recipes or try to prepare at least something and serve it to them.

Jharkhand Thaali Menu, Jharkhand Thaali, Thaali, Jharkhandi thaali, vegeterian thaali, colorful, full meal thaali, rustic food, rustic Jharkhand food, homecooked, homemade, Dhuska, Jharkhand Special, SpecialityBalakrishnan K

My guests were happy and so was I. It makes me immense happy to showcase a tiny beautiful piece of the beauty from where I belong. Love, food, laughter and friends aren’t they the best gifts? I have been sharing the food memories often and will continue to do so with you all. Leaving you with a sweet note today. May the sweet potion of your life always stay with you 🙂

Jharkhand Thaali Menu, Jharkhand Thaali, Thaali, Jharkhandi thaali, vegeterian thaali, colorful, full meal thaali, rustic food, rustic Jharkhand food, homecooked, homemade, Sweet, Jharkhand Special, Speciality, poha, chivda, chuda pulao, meetha pulao, meetha, dessertBalakrishnan K

Cheers!

Here I find myself, holding you again my love, love, motherhood, baby, daughter, sleepless nights, tiredness, motherBalakrishnan K

Here I find myself, holding you again my love…
singing songs, tucking you in the bed for the fourteenth time,
My eyes are drooping with the sleep I couldn’t have since some nights now,
my head pains and my back aches and I struggle to stand wondering how!

You make a disapproving sound and wave your beautiful curly hair,
oh my little love… I love the way you say “ummm” to care
You refuse to let go of me, clinging to my sweaty chest,
those tiny fingers trying to hold her tiny nest

The day is coming to an end and here I am thinking in pain,
Did I love you enough today or failed at it miserably again?
I go over the details, the highs and the lows,
and I wonder if you were made to wear the love bow?

I get lonely, frustrated and insecure sometimes,
I overthink and then get sad and don’t know why?
There are times when I go mad and say things…
Forgive me my angel for I am a new mom and I do try…

The laundry has to be washed, the over-piled kitchen sink needs to be clean
my dirty hair cries for a rinse and the messy house teases me not to be mean
But here I am holding you again my love,
looking at your tiny hand which is feather light
resting on my face like a star shining bright…

Long gone are the days when I took a happy shower,
admired myself in the mirror, dressed well and smelled like a flower
I am tired beyond all measures, but no,
I will hold you once again and rock you slowly back and forth
rest your head on my chest my love as you fall asleep in my arms

Let me hold you tight my dove before a new day begin,
this day which I’ll never get to have with you again…
Goodnight my princess, the apple of my eye…
for I know these days will be soon gone bye
before I know it will be time to bid goodbye…

– The new Mamaa
(Gulmohar Doodles)

Gathering the moments and making memories

We are back from our family vacation. The wedding, laughter, blessings, gatherings, food, love, gifts, laughter are all shared and imprinted in our hearts and memories now. The calmness, soothing and peaceful, lush green sceneries took out the tiredness and longing from our body and mind. We came alive again. We breathed and we lived after a very long time. I wonder how the good times always pass so quickly? Even before we realize that it’s over now we heed to our robotic lives again. I wish, we could stay happy, peaceful and content like this forever.

Peace, Memories, Love, Pondicherry, MomentsBalakrishnan K

Greenery, Fields, Paddy, Coconut plantation, Pondicherry, Love, Memories, MomentsBalakrishnan K

June as usual brings lots of happiness in my family’s life. Be it the long summer holidays back during childhood, meeting all the relatives, cooking, dancing, playing or now, celebrating our wedding anniversary and the birth of Gulmohardoodles. Five marvelous, happy and joyful years passed by getting married to the best husband I could have ever fathomed of. All these years went as if in a jiffy. We struggled, we fell, we cried, gathered ourselves and stood up again. The love primrose reached its heights and our bond got stronger and stronger. Holding hands, standing for each other, believing in our love and the uncontrollable urge to be in each others arms held us for these mighty five years. I pray to the almighty that with every passing year our love and respect for each other gets stronger and the bond unbreakable.

Bless.

Bless, blessings, Indian Gods, Hindu mythology, Vishnu, Laxmi, Lakshmi, Pondicherry, WeddingBalakrishnan K

Aren’t family gatherings great? All those moments, the times when we sit and “just be” with someone else talking, listening, sharing, laughing, crying, sitting quietly make the best memories. All of those moments are stored up as a potion against all the hard, dark and broken times in our lives. The silly talks with the toddlers and the kids. Making faces, playing games, running around, pleasing them doing silly things are all missed. The chit-chats with those who come back after long time from a different land, reviving the old memories, munching on the traditional snacks, hot-steaming cups of tea making rounds are the times to die for. We should never doubt the good we do when we listen to the story of a child or sing along an old song with our friend. Sitting with an old friend, each of us doing our own thing and still making memories…Such pleasures of life…

Sharing happiness, gathering memories, moments, love, happiness, bBalakrishnan K

With time and age, I have realized that one should never underestimate “the power of a moment”. That one moment can store a lot of happiness, strength, joy and love which could be used in the difficult times. These moments are the seeds of happiness. Which once planted again can bring back all the good times and memories again. Store them well. Make all the good memories when you can.

Give and you shall receive, Give, Love, BlessingsGulmohar Doodles

Few days back, on the way to the beach we met two kind souls. A old man and an old woman. Both were spreading random happiness calling people/ kids and giving them small little things. I found them very rich. Rich in their hearts. Rich in their soul and rich in their way of loving. I have understood that I should never question the worth of a kind word or a smile to a stranger. Never hesitate to share a laugh or encouragement or affection. They didn’t expect anything from others whilst they continued their act of kindness. They ensured that they have something or else to give even when they themselves had so less (probably). They blessed us and our daughter and I wondered if I could ever be like them? How I wish!

Solace In Nature, nature, love, memories, happiness, Pondicherry, greenery, sharingBalakrishnan K

I want to say a big thank you to all my well wishers, blog readers, friends and family to give me so many joyful memories which I have been tucking away and will pull back out when the storms approach. My blog completes its 4th year this month. I am grateful to all those who made it happen. Remember, YOU MATTER. Your words, thoughts, laughter everything matters. More than you can ever know or think of.

Love to all. Stay blessed.

Weaving Memories

Recently, I have been thinking and thinking a lot about the memories I have been gathering for a while now. The days are malleable and memories are bound to be created everyday. The irony is that some stay with us forever and the others get erased with the sand of time. I believe that we women are the guardians of memories. We preserve them like no one else does and then pass it on to generations. Don’t we stock all the memories which contains the fragments of love, food, stories, beliefs, joy, sadness, laughter and much more? Well, I do 🙂

Weaving Memories, OM, om, aum, the beggining, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

As a kid, I loved to hear stories. I was bemused by the beliefs, bravery, love and the beauty of things said by old souls. I listened to them keenly and created a world of my own among them. It is fascinating how the memories, the stories, the talks cling to us and visit us often.

Weaving Memories, Ardhnaarishwar, Shiva, Parvati, Shiv-parvati, Dance, me without you is incomplete, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

Some out of boredom, the others out of sheer interest, I drew these. The happiness, the solace and the sense of doing something from the heart has lifted my spirit multiple times. There are days when things are hard and doing something like this lighten my mind and sets me free and I weave more memories. the memories which I know will remain engraved in my heart for a long time. The happiness collected and passed on, the encouragement given and inspirations taken, the beads of stories woven and gathered makes me believe that life can be full of happiness and contentment.

Weaving Memories, Maa Durga, Fight, Good over evil, Durga, Fearless, happiness, love, life, stories, myth, mythology, hindu, hinduismGulmohar Doodles

I want to gather all the happiness and store it in my heart tight. I want to make good memories and use them as the light when the times of darkness approaches. I want to be the firefly who brings hope with its tiny light in the ravenous darkness. Like the wings of a butterfly, I want to bring out these joyful memories and spread happiness which are safely tucked away in the heart.

This world is a beautiful place and so is you. Please do spread random happiness till we meet again.

To Time, Togetherness and Beyond

It is a warm, cosy, bright, sunny afternoon today. Here I am, sitting with my legs crossed on my bed and wondering about the time spent with my family a few weeks back. Time flies… Yes! it does. And it does really fast. The jokes, laughter, gossips, food once shared or just being together, together in that very moment… leaves back tonne of memories, love, happiness, solace and peace in the tiny treasures held tightly in our hearts. When these moments get over… we realize how much we miss them and all of a sudden our hearts fill with anger, frustration and bewilderment. And when these feelings too fade away, all what is left is Loneliness.

Loneliness, family, loved ones, happiness, joy, time, memoriesPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

How you feel in any one moment is more important than anything else, because how you feel right now is creating your life. ~ Rhonda Byrne

Together Forever, family, love, life, time, moments, precious, lifePhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Whenever someone leave, they leave behind a big void in our heart… even if it is just for some time. We cherish, remember, cry, crib for those moments. Over time, I have realized how much change time can bring in a person. I wonder, is it the same person whom I have known or thought to be all my life? Change is persistent. I know. But don’t we, at times, want things to be the same all through our life? The same how we remember it to be, have believed to be, have cherished to be and have loved to be!

Vegetable Chop, street food, Jharkhand, Love for food, Love, Moms foodPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Life isn’t always what we expect it to be. Being around with our loved ones weaving memories together is always a thing to cherish and behold. These classic moments if celebrated with food enhances the essence of these times. A month back, when my mom was here, we celebrated Durga Puja with some crispy, hot, yummy vegetable chops. It did help in removing some of the longings of being at my home town during this much awaited festival. Don’t we, in such times, need something to soothe our souls, something very calming, something very refreshing, something which connects us to our roots? Atleast, it was a happy ending 🙂

Continue making memories folks. Adieu, until we meet again…

June has always been a very special month. This month I celebrate two anniversaries together; mine and my husband’s coming together as one and Gulmohar Doodle’s taking birth. I can hardly believe that it has been three successful years already since I took my first baby steps into the blogging world.

Each blog anniversary has been a huge milestone for me. I have been able to connect to all my lovely readers through my this creative outlet and believe me this has made a huge impact in my life! It’s been a great year. A year in which I’ve done so many awesome things which I am incredibly grateful for.

3rd Blog Anniversary Gulmohar DoodlesPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K | www.utopianhere.com

When I first started blogging back in June 2012, I made a decision to give it a try for some years and see if this new hobby of mine would result in anything. Looking back, the last 3 years of my blogging adventure was fun and had been an amazing ride. I interacted with many cool bloggers, learnt a lot about blogging, photography, food, technology, and thoughts! The best part is to tell the world about my feelings, emotions and thoughts which could have been utterly difficult for me to convey otherwise. This blog has stood by me in both my good and bad times.

I truly appreciate your support and love dear readers and would want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for walking and reading along with me in my journey. Please accept some flowers and a cup of smooth and warming butter tea from my side.

Thank you again 🙂

— 3 Year Blog Anniversary

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