Problems

Ditch the Stress, breathe and let go…

Oh God! I am stressed out! I want to blame all sorts of things in my life from loads of work, tough clients, financial pressures, wierd situations etc. Generally, I think I am just pulled towards being more stressed than others and my husband agrees to this! Stress and worries are rambunctious creatures in my life. One of my close friend recently said that – “With the kind of personality you have, you will always take on stress.” I sighed because I knew she was right…

It is not that I love being stressed, but I can’t deny the fact that even the tiniest things like Mycoplasma Gallisepticum can give me stress of some sort!! Oh My! I try to be positive… but then I do tend to loose it at times. After all I am human with a bit less patience and more worries. I try hard to stay calm and see the postive side of each situation which comes in front of me. And most of the times I fail because my worry and stress takes over! Once while having a casual talk with my mom she did mention that – “Money is not everything in life. It will come and go. Stop chasing that! You have to find the joy in little things and allow those little joys to take your stress away. Be it watching a beautiful flower blossoming in the pot, gazing the clear blue sky or listening to the birds chirping! Anything which is readily available or just gives peace to your heart, mind and soul.”

I know there is no point in being stressed out. I have to learn how to fight my stress, how to turn it into happiness, breathe and breathe and let the stress melt in the process… It doesn’t have to be the nemesis in my life. Thoughts and life are malleable… and I am trying hard to make it a beautiful and happy one 🙂

Potato poha with chaiIt is tuesday and the soft, motherly breeze outside is calling me… It seems like it is singing and telling me…

“Take a moment to notice
The beauty of the trees.
Sit and take a look
At the dancing leaves.
Note the little child
Laughing, playing with a toy.
Always so full of energy;
Humongous amounts of joy.
Don’t crush the insects,
Who are 1/1000ths of your weight.
They may creep up your path,
But don’t decide their fate.
Life’s not about avoiding storms.
Instead, dance in the rain.
The Earth is so beautiful;
Why must we cause it’s pain?
Take time off your busy schedule
To glance at the starry night.
Because nature is genius.
So pretty, such a sight!”

– Miranda A.

Have a great week ahead people. We started our day with some lovely potato poha and steaming cups of chai.

May you all stay positive and blessed!

When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time”…

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.”

How can we overcome depression, a painful emotion that can feel like we are having our insides removed?? When we suffer loss, disappointment, failure, monotonous routines or whatever else the devil’s voice becomes louder than God’s truth in our lives! Depression can be the negative emotion we feel. Many counselors and therapists will agree that anxiety and depression usually hold hands while they make people miserable… Depression doesn’t care about the future and can’t get past the fact that we are hurting so bad right now, right right right now and that is all that matters to me, to you or to anyone who is going through depression!

Yes, I am going through depression. I get it quite badly on a regular basis and kind of cry and get tired and just generally see no hope in the world for myself! Recently I had hope, lots of hope. But it seems to be drying out now. The chemicals in my brain are at war with my circumstances “You shouldn’t lose hope’, ‘Why am I still hoping? When I know things aren’t gonna turn out how I wanted it to be!’ ‘You should keep trying’ ‘I am done, dried and hopeless!’ This is the sound track of my life now a days!! As you know, the miserable have no other medicine – but only hope. So, I am trying to hold it as long as I can!

People like me don’t understand, why and how it happens to them each time? Why are they the victim most of the times? Is it the circumstance or they themselves are the reason behind their depression? Was their expectation from their lives too high?? Didn’t they deserve the fame, the applaud, the success, the happiness, the wealth in their lives? What they didn’t do to achieve that? Didn’t they slog day and night, gave their best and still they were the ones standing in the darkness? Standing helpless, disappointed, heart-broken, frustrated, stressed thinking about the failure they never deserved?? Watching helplessly, things which they deserved, taken away by others so easily??

But then, I understand that life is not easy or straightforward. It is complex and frightening, but I have a God who will stand with me in every step. It is just a shame that so often his people will not. People leave you, demean you, question your credibility, put you down, laugh at you and make you feel bad, unwanted and worthless. But then, tell the negative committee that meets inside and outside your head to sit down and shut up!! The moment someone tells you that you’re not good enough, is the moment you know you’re better than them!! Be proud of it! As simple as that!

When we make mistakes, we have to repent. But here there is no such mistake. It is just a phase. Set in motion a plan to change the wrong thoughts, words or deeds and then move on. If we don’t move on from mistakes, we will have a very difficult time exhibiting the fruit of joy in our lives. It’s time to change our thinking. Remember that – “Good Days have a bad habit- THEY END. But bad days have a good habit- THEY ALSO END!!

Have a hopeful depression. Know that at times it will be unbearable, but in it all, you won’t be alone. Look forward to the time when this hope will bring back all what you have lost, you have badly wanted and you were deprived of! Life isn’t easy, but God gives us truth and hope to stand on. Say that – Yes, I want to grow! I want to grow in love. I want to challenge my situation, my circumstances. I know I will have my day!! I will try, try and try again… Until I succeed!! And you will see how things change. How those people who laughed at you, did everything to put you down, played politics or whatever, look upon you with respect, follow you and expect favors!

Remember that not everything is meant to be solved, life is not a maths problem. Some things can be forgiven, others embraced, some can be accepted, others affected. Come to think of it, very little in life is ever solved. Isn’t it?? Also, the way you are is not the result of what has happened to you, it’s the result of what you decide to keep inside you! The mind is everything, what you think, you become. So, keep hope, more hope and a little more… that things will work, it has to!! If dark days have come, bright days will also come… Not soon but soon enough…!!

It is dark, no moon, no light
Just darkness, a starless sky
The wind blows, the waves break
A single firefly passes by…

Soon the firefly is gone
Leaving me in the darkest of nights
The tiny fly made me anticipate
A sunrise with the finest of lights…

May you be able to forgive. To embrace. To accept. God is with me and you and our lives will be full of sunshine again!! And yes, IT WILL HAPPEN SOON. — Amen

People and their “Why no kids?” drama

“No kids? Oh, you’ll regret it. You’re getting old!”

People like to remind me of the great irony that I am still not a mom or I am still not thinking of having any!!! If you are married and specially lives in a typical Indian society, you probably remember stepping straight from the alter to a bombardment of people asking, “When are you having babies?” The baby question has remarkably become a topic as casual as, “Hey! How are you?” Often at my workplace, general gatherings, parties, formal meetings at home, I get to hear this question. It is a simple, everyday question, the type people ask without thinking!!

The question starts somewhat like this -“So… you’ve been married for a “loooong time” now (even when it is just two years of my marriage) … when should we expect the kids to be coming?? Anytime soon ;)” Always with a wink and a mischievous smile. Most of the times I gasp and swallow hard even when a wave of emotion surge through my body. And when my answer is – “Um, NO. We aren’t planning babies anytime soon!!”, trying and hoping hard that my voice don’t betray me being upset I get to hear a lecture of atleast half an hour! As if they are the moral police roaming around everywhere preaching people to have kids as fast as the very next day of the couple tying the knot!!

Most of the times when the particular persons’ question and the preaching ends, I start thinking about how many times I’ve been put up in this awkward situation, forced into having a deep personal discussion with a stranger about my childless state. “Do you have children?’” seems to be the follow-up to: Hey.. how are you? What do you do? And then the immediate worse situation, when you reply negative!! Soon I get bombarded with questions like “Why not?” or “Are you planning to..?” or “Why did you get married if you don’t want to have kids?” or “My God.. you don’t know it will get really difficult later..” or the classic question with a full stop -“you are getting too old”!!! The implication always being that not having children means there is either something wrong with me or I am some sort of child-hating weirdo!! Most of the times I get to hear the big examples of others like -“See “x” and “y”, they got a kid in exactly nine months! They have done it right. Thats how you should do.” Believe me, I have heard real stupid comments about me not having a kid. The silliest one being – “You keep on playing angry birds late at night right – thats why you are not having kids!!!!!!” It took me 10 seconds to get that!! C’mon people, I don’t want to hear any such fatalism!

Now, I’m too well-brought up to respond – “None of your business” to the “do you have children” and all the other “why no kids” centric questions. So I fudge it. Or I make light of it. I usually smile and say: “Not yet.” It is always seen that distant family members, neighbors and colleagues are the major group of people who are far more interested in any couples’ personal life than the couple or their immediate family members itself. These so called “moral police” have all the remedies and suggestions ready for any problem of this world! They are the ones who are the most bothered about any girl or guy of the house who isn’t married or doesn’t have a kid.

So, why are people so insensitive? According to Rachel Ormrod, co-author of Beyond Childlessness, it’s because they think having children is ‘the norm’. “They don’t think,” she says. “Those with children live in a child-centric world and it seems to be an automatic question. Sometimes, the “do you have children?” question is phrased as: “How many do you have?” which is even worse.”

Parenthood is not a priority for everyone and neither is marriage. Some people would rather like to study, have an awesome career, travel the world or follow other passions in life and then have kids! Choosing to have or when to have or not to have children is an intensely personal decision. Most people, whether single or in relationships, who make this choice have other pursuits and simply don’t have the desire to have children until they think they have achieved what they wanted or are ready to have kids! It shocks me that, despite the fact that we live in the 21st century, people think that since I don’t “have any kids yet” it makes me a heartless, super stupid, immature, cold, or a selfish lady!! My decision when to have a kid is incredibly personal and not up for debate or discussion by anyone. The bottom line is, no matter how a woman comes to her decision about having, not having or when to have a child, isn’t any of your business!!

Here, I would like to take the opportunity and tell people that I really like kids and just having no kids yet doesn’t mean that I will never have any! It is just that I will have them when I would think I am ready to take some extra responsibility in my life. Right now I am just not ready! I don’t want to have a kid and keep on whinging about all the works which comes along it and the extra responsibility associated with it. I don’t even want to hear all those cacophony and blurting that yes I can have loads of time for myself by not having a kid and how you guys have suffered having it so early!

So, people whoever is so much bothered about me not having a kid, please leave me alone and keep your dumb and stupid question to yourself. You will be surely given the news once I choose to enjoy parenthood!!

THANKS A LOT! 🙂

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