Here I find myself, holding you again my love, love, motherhood, baby, daughter, sleepless nights, tiredness, motherBalakrishnan K

Here I find myself, holding you again my love…
singing songs, tucking you in the bed for the fourteenth time,
My eyes are drooping with the sleep I couldn’t have since some nights now,
my head pains and my back aches and I struggle to stand wondering how!

You make a disapproving sound and wave your beautiful curly hair,
oh my little love… I love the way you say “ummm” to care
You refuse to let go of me, clinging to my sweaty chest,
those tiny fingers trying to hold her tiny nest

The day is coming to an end and here I am thinking in pain,
Did I love you enough today or failed at it miserably again?
I go over the details, the highs and the lows,
and I wonder if you were made to wear the love bow?

I get lonely, frustrated and insecure sometimes,
I overthink and then get sad and don’t know why?
There are times when I go mad and say things…
Forgive me my angel for I am a new mom and I do try…

The laundry has to be washed, the over-piled kitchen sink needs to be clean
my dirty hair cries for a rinse and the messy house teases me not to be mean
But here I am holding you again my love,
looking at your tiny hand which is feather light
resting on my face like a star shining bright…

Long gone are the days when I took a happy shower,
admired myself in the mirror, dressed well and smelled like a flower
I am tired beyond all measures, but no,
I will hold you once again and rock you slowly back and forth
rest your head on my chest my love as you fall asleep in my arms

Let me hold you tight my dove before a new day begin,
this day which I’ll never get to have with you again…
Goodnight my princess, the apple of my eye…
for I know these days will be soon gone bye
before I know it will be time to bid goodbye…

– The new Mamaa
(Gulmohar Doodles)

To Time, Togetherness and Beyond

It is a warm, cosy, bright, sunny afternoon today. Here I am, sitting with my legs crossed on my bed and wondering about the time spent with my family a few weeks back. Time flies… Yes! it does. And it does really fast. The jokes, laughter, gossips, food once shared or just being together, together in that very moment… leaves back tonne of memories, love, happiness, solace and peace in the tiny treasures held tightly in our hearts. When these moments get over… we realize how much we miss them and all of a sudden our hearts fill with anger, frustration and bewilderment. And when these feelings too fade away, all what is left is Loneliness.

Loneliness, family, loved ones, happiness, joy, time, memoriesPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

How you feel in any one moment is more important than anything else, because how you feel right now is creating your life. ~ Rhonda Byrne

Together Forever, family, love, life, time, moments, precious, lifePhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Whenever someone leave, they leave behind a big void in our heart… even if it is just for some time. We cherish, remember, cry, crib for those moments. Over time, I have realized how much change time can bring in a person. I wonder, is it the same person whom I have known or thought to be all my life? Change is persistent. I know. But don’t we, at times, want things to be the same all through our life? The same how we remember it to be, have believed to be, have cherished to be and have loved to be!

Vegetable Chop, street food, Jharkhand, Love for food, Love, Moms foodPhoto courtesy: Balakrishnan K

Life isn’t always what we expect it to be. Being around with our loved ones weaving memories together is always a thing to cherish and behold. These classic moments if celebrated with food enhances the essence of these times. A month back, when my mom was here, we celebrated Durga Puja with some crispy, hot, yummy vegetable chops. It did help in removing some of the longings of being at my home town during this much awaited festival. Don’t we, in such times, need something to soothe our souls, something very calming, something very refreshing, something which connects us to our roots? Atleast, it was a happy ending 🙂

Continue making memories folks. Adieu, until we meet again…

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